kiriamaya: tchy: fatoutloud: pervocracy: I used to think people called me irresponsible, dirty,...

kiriamaya:

tchy:

fatoutloud:

pervocracy:

I used to think people called me irresponsible, dirty, immoral, or speculated about me having diseases because I wrote about having multiple partners.

Then I changed my name from Holly to Cliff.

I used to think people called me fat because I’m overweight.

Then I changed my name from Holly to Cliff.

I used to think people talked about whether they’d have sex with me (and somehow managed to make “yes” and “no” equally disdainful) because I wrote about sex.

Then I changed my name from Holly to Cliff.

I used to think a certain level of trolling and insulting was just the base state of the Internet, just something you had to thicken your skin to because Internet’s gonna Internet.

Then I changed my name from Holly to Cliff.

—

My initial conclusion is, of course, “damn, everyone should change their name to Cliff,” but as that seems to not be right for everyone, let’s try:

"Damn, never think that abuse is inevitable or something you deserve"

and

"Damn, never think your judgement of a person is unaffected by your knowledge about their identity."

and

"Damn, you can live in the same spaces with people for a while and still have no idea what a different view of the world and of human interaction they’re getting."

I’ve read a lot of stories about people who have transitioned from female to male and how just about every aspect of their life changes after that - one of the biggest and most profound changes is how they are treated by others. The difference in the way our culture treats a man vs how we treat women is HUGELY different. The difference is profound.

The day I realized that everyone—especially women—would shut up and listen when I spoke up in a group, no matter how peripheral I was to the group or how inconsequential what I had to say actually was, was the day I realized I had accessed (passing-as-)male privilege.

It was also the day I realized I would like nothing better than to tear society apart with my bare hands.

As a trans woman, I can tell the opposite story: In the eyes of others, I went from being a soft-spoken person who needed to speak up more to a shrill bitch who needed to shut up; a casual-leaning gamer to a fake gamer; a slightly unattractive person (who didn’t get laid a lot, but that was okay) to a disgustingly unattractive person (who is, apparently, unreasonably withholding sexiness from dudes while simultaneously having too much sex and being too sexual). Where I was once considered a computer expert just by virtue of my existence, I am now thought to be a clueless n00b no matter how much expertise I actually have. Whereas my opinions on politics (or any subject, for that matter) were once heard and respected, they are now dismissed out of hand on the grounds that I am not “serious”/”deep” enough to really understand the issues. And so on, and so forth.

So yes, the difference is there, and it is huge. Even now, even with lots of self-steeling and with the expectation that I will be a target of misogyny all the time, it still makes my head spin sometimes.