Most women leaving violent relationships return at least once because their self-authority has been eviscerated and replaced with a partner’s authority. Think Stockholm Syndrome. Rihanna probably needs support, not criticism, and her return could be a cause for teaching, not despair.
This is a microcosm of the frequent difference between the original battered women’s centers that were or are run by survivors, and some of the current Family Violence Centers run by people with degrees. The survivors supported women in making their own decisions — because they themselves knew from experience. The second too often repeated the problem by telling women what to do one more time.
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Gloria Steinem’s response to Lena Dunham name-dropping her during some vomitous hand-wringing concern trolling about Rihanna
If you mock and belittle and insult a DV victim for being abused or staying with or going back to an abuser, you are telling them that their abuser was right about what other people think of them and how little support there is for them from others so idk enjoy living with yourself if you like talking about how you’re “so done” with a woman for being “so stupid” or whatever
And you’re the one who’s “sending a bad message” to young girls because the message you’re sending is “I will completely abandon you if you’re ever in this situation and I might say it’s all your fault too”
(via dignified-and-old)
And then there are the people who just dismiss it by saying “She likes abuse, she wrote an album about it!”
She didn’t consent to that abuse, regardless of whether or not she likes it.
(via zarggg)
So Gloria Steinem can understand this but her worshippers can’t.
But can we not talk about teh life of a woman of color and her decisions being a cause for teaching
say itw ith me now
WE ARE NOT AN OBJECT LESSON
(via blackamazon)