It’s been a horrible couple of days. I had to sit and listen to somebody tell me about how there are “good blacks” and “bad blacks” and thankgod the “bad blacks” are moving out of detroit. I had to listen to this shit and be polite about it. and talk to my kids about it. and help them understand how to love and respect somebody who believes a whole bunch of fucked up disrespectful bullshit.
at the crux—it was asserted that the “bad blacks” don’t respect their own history. because there are housing projects named after a black hero. And the name placard of the housing projects had been vandelized. so clearly “they” don’t respect the hero.
I told the person she should do some research. That in the day (like with the sojourner truth housing projects), white people had chosen to name different projects after what they deemed were black heros as a way to signify to white people—BLACKS GO HERE. It was a code way of notifying whites—segregation was alive and well and the government would see to it that black people always knew their place.
The person sort of heard me, then moved on. Telling us…me…my *kids*….that there were some good blacks and some bad—and this person’s *black friend* (emphasis) wants those bad blacks out. and is so glad that the bads are finally starting to move out. The *black* friend.
At this point, I’m almost completely shut down. This person is saying this to my children. Who love detroit because their aunties live in and love detroit. Who love Detroit because *I* love detroit. I want to kick myself because I suggested research. When what I wanted to say was there’s a difference between not respecting a black hero (i.e. Joe Louis) and not respecting fucked up cockroach laden rat infested Joe Louis *PROJECTS* that WHITE SUPREMACIST STRUCTURES respect so fucking much that they can never manage to find any money to fund/fix up and stick next to the local prison and inbetween three factories. I want to say who the fuck is you to decide who respects what? I want to say shut the fuck up. I want to say that’s FUCKED UP that you are who you are and you are still saying this shit. But I can’t think through the white hot raging buzz in my ears until time has passed and everything has moved on.
Do research? Do research?
ANd then I rant all the way home and while we get ready for bed, my baby asks me—is this person racist? Or: is it ok to hate this person?
And because this person is who this person is—I have to tell her—I think this person is blinded by ignorance. Doesn’t question things, believes without question, doesn’t know better.
My baby’s heart is more important to me than making a point and I want her to know what I’ve known forever—love is complicated and hard and the trick is not taking other people’s faults into yourself. Not shutting down your own heart because others are fucked up.
This person is blinded by ignorance and makes mistakes and unfortunatly, these are very big mistakes that hurt a lot of people. But we all make mistakes, don’t we baby?
We hug.
Sometimes I hate being a mami.
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radicallyhottoff: It’s been a horrible couple of days. I had to sit and listen to somebody tell me...
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