Paul Ryan was on his soapbox — and he couldn’t get off fast enough.
The lanky lawmaker from Wisconsin made his first solo appearance as Mitt Romney’s running mate on Monday, and the Romney campaign chose to have him do it from the Iowa State Fair. This was a mistake.
Ryan spoke from what fairgoers call the soapbox — a small platform where any citizen, even a politician, can have 20 minutes to voice his or her mind. But because of the open venue, the crowd of 3,000 people could not be cleansed of Democrats, indifferent Iowans and other undesirable elements.
Ryan, in a trying-too-hard outfit of blue jeans, wide leather belt and red-and-white checked shirt, began with a painful effort to establish common ground with the locals.
“What a beautiful day to be at the state fair,” he said. “We have fairs. Do you have Wristband Day here?”
Apparently Iowans do not have Wristband Day, because the crowd was quiet.
“That’s the favorite day for my kids, because Wristband Day, you can buy a wristband and ride all the rides with just one wristband for the whole day.”
The Iowans stood like corn stalks on a still morning.
“So it’s just from a Wisconsinite to a neighboring Iowan: Have Wristband Day. Your kids will love it.”
If there were crickets at the Iowa State Fair, you would have heard them chirping.
Just about then, some in the crowd suddenly came to life. Unfortunately for the candidate, they were hecklers, and they were charging the stage.
“I heard President Obama is starting his bus tour today, and I heard he wasn’t going to come to the Iowa State Fair,” Ryan attempted, but the protesters were shouting slogans — “Are you going to cut Medicare?” “Stop the war on the poor!” “Hands off Social Security!” — too loud for him to deliver the punch line.
“I think it’s because — so — ha! You know what? It’s funny,” Ryan continued, although he did not at the moment appear to be having fun. “It’s funny, because Iowans and Wisconsinites, we like to be respectful of one another and peaceful with one another and listen to each other. These ladies must not be from Iowa or Wisconsin.”
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DANA MILBANK, in The Washington Post, “Paul Ryan on Soapbox at Iowa State Fair” (via inothernews)
There’s another line further down in the article that says basically Mitt Romney picked Paul Ryan as his running mate because Paul Ryan is the only person who could out-awkward white dude him in an awkward white dude awkward off. Or something like that. It was funny.